Casual Friday

A Vicious Cycle

To do or not to do, that is the question

Emily was forever putting things off. She never seemed to have much time and anytime she did she found herself worrying about all the things she had to do. Today was to be no different. As soon as she got home her mum sentenced her to clean up her room and to get her schoolwork in order. Being the compliant child she was, she made her way upstairs, closed the door and sat on her bed wondering where she should begin. The longer she stared the more lethargic she felt; her mind clocked in and began to work overtime.
The focus on cleaning her room faded and her homework was forgotten as she began to think about all the other undone things in her life. She told herself that she should do it, and repeated this song over and over again in the hope that she could convince herself. Nothing changed and the list grew bigger. Her mind went deeper as she began to think about all the things she wanted to do in life but never got to do. She came to the realization that she didn't have a life and began to resent everything around her. All she ever seemed to do were things for other people. She became angry that she had been dealt such a hand in life. It wasn't fair. She wanted to hide and avoid this life she found herself in. She closed her eyes and lay back on the bed. Her breathing dropped and she began to snooze. Life disappeared for an hour or so as she explored a less threatening world inside her head.
Emily woke up to the sound of her mum calling for dinner. She sat up and took a wide-angle snap of her messy room and unfinished schoolwork. She dropped her head into her hands feeling a rush of pressure in her chest, it was all too much. She got up and walked downstairs to join the rest of the family for dinner. She wanted to talk with them but what would she say; that life was too much for her? Her dad asked what was bothering her and she shrugged it off. Her mum asked if she had cleaned the room and finished her homework. Emily's paralysed look said everything. Her mum's eyes rolled and like watching a ball in a roulette wheel Emily stared wondering where they would land. The gamble was a sure bet as she had lived this moment on many occasions. Another awkward family dinner played out leaving Emily to do the dishes. When everyone else left the table she sat with her list of additional chores and stared at them blankly. She felt a cold coming on and took a lemon drink. Her body was sore and she had no energy left. Her mum postponed the work for another day and sent her to bed to rest for the next day of school. She got into bed, stared at the ceiling and couldn't sleep. The cycle continued.

posted by Mark Dowds @ Sunday, January 09, 2005